Dreaming of sleep

Well, day two of the whole "I'm getting up at 5 a.m. because I think I'm awesome" and I haven't done it yet. I was supposed to be in bed by 10 p.m. It's currently 1 a.m. and yesterday I went to bed at 3:23 a.m. Grrr. I'm an idiot for thinking this would actually work on the first try.

Sorry for the boring and short post but I need to sleep or these posts are going to make even less sense than they already do! Cake pictures tomorrow plus upcoming cookie plans! Woo hoo!

If you live in the Long Beach, CA area then maybe you can see me in action.

Until then, sweet dreams!  :)

Wired

I'm working on a few schedule changes in my life and this will affect my baking schedule for sure. Have you ever felt like there were days when you'd never get on task? I've had one of those weeks.

It is now almost 4 a.m. and I am not the least bit tired even though I got up at 6 a.m. the day before. Odd. This happens to me sometimes and it's so very frustrating. My dad says he just goes to bed when he wants to be asleep and forces himself to lay there. Eventually the body will give in. Somehow, I doubt that.

Bakers keep early hours and start work anywhere between 3 a.m. and 5 a.m. Now I think I can do 5 a.m. for now but any earlier and it just isn't going to happen. Yet.

So this next week (starting this Friday evening), I am going to attempt a 5 a.m. schedule. But since it's my first week I will get up at 5 a.m. for seven days and see how I make it. I've been meaning to get back to my workout routine so an early rise is the perfect excuse - never mind the 10 pairs of size 8 jeans that stare at my thighs in disappointment every time I open the closet. I need something to occupy my time.

You may be wondering what the heck this has to do with my blog but it's very important! As a business owner I have to be the one to open the shop, motivate my staff and gear up for a great day of sales. If I am not awake then my staff will not listen. This is great practice.

And if I can manage to keep a 5 a.m. schedule then there are days when I can successfully bake a cake layer or two before I even head off to work. It will make my jobs much more manageable and keep evenings free to be with my boyfriend and our furbabies. We have two bulldogs and a cat.

Please bear with me as I attempt this amazing feat. Next week's posts will either be completely incomprehensible or they flat out won't exist, depending on how I do, haha.

Wish me luck!

Burnt Cake

I think I'm burnt out. (Burned out??)

This week I am absolutely OVER being a pastry chef. Maybe it's the school thing. Taking up a lot of my free time and most of my energy. I'm just not feeling creative.

It could also be that every cake I make is a princess theme and I'm really sick of making pink cakes with gold tiaras. When I have children I hope we don't do a princess theme but I think my daughters are already doomed. My favorite movie is Sleeping Beauty and that's kinda the point of the story. Sigh, but I digress...

Anyway, I need a shot of buttercream to the arm or something because I. am. just. not. interested. in making another pink cake right now. Luckily I do have a cake for one of my students for Saturday - a red, white, and blue present that says "Congrats Class of 2010" on the tag. I'm only charging her face value. And while I'm thankful the cake is not pink, it's still another gift box cake and I make at least one a week these days.

Should I be complaining? No. Am I going to anyway? Maybe. If I have any readers who are tired of doing repetitive cake creations, please drop me a line and tell me how to build a cake bridge and get over it. I think I'm going to call my cake shop The Princess/Present Bakery and make a fortune by crankin' out the hits all day.

On a side note, the season premiere of "Lost" is next week and I'm thinking up a cake for the occasion. One time I made a Dharma logo cake for a friend's birthday but now I think it's time I crank it up. It's been three years since then and I've got a few skills under my belt that I didn't have back then. Hmmm. Now that's inspiring!

Namaste! 

Fears

I don't know why the fears have crept into my  life this week but I am really fearful of all the money that flows through a bakery. As I hear my instructors talk about small cake shops, hotels and catering kitchens, I think about each time I worked in a different location and the amount of waste I saw. Dollars and dollars either going down the drain or into a cook's mouth. As a potential owner I keep thinking about how I would handle it if that were my kitchen.

I am quite fortunate that I have a vendor who is also a personal friend. He owns a bakery supply warehouse and would be my main if not sole supplier. It would be fairly easy to work with him on costing and create maximum product on every item, though I also know it would be exhausting. I'm worrying about every penny now even when I don't have a shop so I can only imagine the nightmares once it's open.

In the meantime I am going to keep studying and praying that I memorize every line in these texts. I'm going to need this information more than I'm going to need just about anything else I've learned in culinary school. The recipes, it seems, are just details.

Disneyland Fondant Cakes

I found a blog that has to do with cakes at Disneyland and shows some of the fondant work that the decorators are doing at Disneyland's Central Bakery. You can go to it Here. Some of the stuff is awesome and I got a couple neat ideas for the flames that I make on my own cakes. One of the others is some strange Nintendo Wii cake that is almost cute but not quite. Maybe it looks better in person. The blog gives me hope that there is a place for me in this kitchen.  :)

Today I did not fix my resume as I proclaimed on this blog yesterday but I will definitely do it before the weekend is out. I'm currently learning how to balance school, work, boyfriend time and my pastry life all at once. It's good practice for when I have to balance life and a business for real.

Now that I am in these culinary business classes, I'm feeling sort of intimidated by the business. It's incredibly thrilling to finally know how to cost out my items for maximum profit, but it also makes the whole process seem daunting. Even though the product will be fun and inventive, it's still a food-based business and 98% of them fail in the first year. Now I understand why. It seems sooo scary!

Disneyland Bakery

So I've learned that the head pastry chef at Disneyland is Jean-Marc Viallet. And Disneyland Resort Central Bakery makes up 97% of the resort baked goods. Woohoo!

Tomorrow I need to fine tune my resume and prep a portfolio. It's time to meet this Jean-Marc and see if I can't land a job. I read online that they have a climate-controlled room just for cake decorating and that they will now be doing fondant cakes - that's huge for me. Even if I can't do cakes I would love a shot back in a real pastry kitchen again.

The last time I was in a pastry kitchen was when I interned at the Beverly Hills Hotel. It was beautiful. It was essentially one giant room with mini turn offs for ovens, dry storage (crackers and such), chocolate work and then one separate cold room for cakes, berries and ice cream production. I loved being there but the assistant chef was hellbent on hazing me every chance she got. When it was obvious I wasn't going to get far, I left as fast as I could.

My other kitchen experience has been for Wolfgang Puck and while I enjoyed the work, I was never in a pastry kitchen. We were just shoved in the corner trying to make cheesecakes in the same ovens as hotel pans full of fried chicken. I loved being a part of the high end work but I don't believe I was ready. At Disneyland, I will be.

While I know I have a million things going on in this life of mine, I can't help but push to get this job. But my sub job and my college courses will end in May and then I will be left with just cake orders to keep me alive. If I have the ability to make cookies, cakes, pies, bread and anything else I can crank out, I will enjoy my life more than I already do.

If any of my readers have tips on how to get into this kitchen, please drop me a note. I'm quite determined so I know I will get in one way or another, but a little support never hurt.  :)

BofA can kiss my bundt

Paying off my credit card debt was such a fantastic feeling! I always answered the phone, I looked forward to getting the mail and, surprisingly, I got very little once I paid off the bills!

Then yesterday I got an envelope from Bank of America, the Bank of Opportunity. According to their records, I owed them $7.76 on my zero balance. What?! Oh, I was livid. There was no way I was throwing any more money down the drain, not even seven bucks.

I called the 800 number today and the young man on the line said BofA was charging me based on my Daily Periodic Rate. That even though I paid my bill off a week and a half before its due date, I still owed the daily finance charges for the month.

He claims that this practice has been going since credit cards have been in existence but I have never received a follow up bill after I've paid off a card. He says that I should always call in directly when I pay off a credit card and ask for the "charge off" balance. I explained that I was not paying a "charge off" fee and that was something entirely different. And I threw in that a payment over the phone with BofA costs $15.00. He said, "Er, yeah." He apologized for MY misunderstanding and offered to remove the $7.76 fee. Like he was doing me a favor.

Of course I was polite and thanked him for doing his job but boy howdy was I pissed! Maybe I was too young and naive when I paid off bills in years past to ever realize this was happening, but I really think this is a first. No wonder it's so difficult to get out of debt.

I also asked about re-opening my account and he said it's a possibility but I needed to call a different department on Monday. I was only asking so I can reopen the card and fix my debt to credit ratio. It will significantly help my FICO score in the long run. I've had that credit card for 13 years and even though I'm pissed at them for their sneaky fees, I need the credit history.

It is beyond frustrating to know that credit cards are evil but also necessary to get loans in other areas of life. Or to know they are gauges for others to decide what kind of person you are. Apartment rentals, gym memberships, cellphone subscriptions, even financing a couch - you need credit to survive.

I hope this post gets out to people much younger than I and that they use it to be proactive about credit card debt. There is very little in life that I regret but this lesson was hard learned and I wish someone had shown me sooner what a problem this might become.

The teacher becomes the student

I spent two hours in my food costing class last night listening to the pre-pubescent chef instructor teach me about creating a menu. He laid out all the specifics required for the assignment and then had the class call out entrees for the menu. All was going well until I asked about the bakery assignment.

The assignment is to create a dinner menu using 8 different items that include 30 unique ingredients. Or, create a bakery menu consisting of 16 different items with 30 ingredients. I, of course, chose the latter.

When I asked whether we were required to create bakery menus based on region (his example was a French restaurant), method, grain, or what, I saw his eyes completely glaze over. He said, "Doing a dinner menu is much easier because I don't even know what you'd do to make a bakery menu." Wow.

So I asked if we were required to stick to things like breads only or cakes only, or should we base it on the theme of our bakery instead. I cited cupcakeries, artisan bread bakeries and pie shops. He stammered a bit, mindlessly pointed at his mock menu on the board then said I should try to have a variety of breads, cakes "or those little one-bite things. What are they called? Oh, petit fours."

I replied, "Actually chef, a petit four is two bites. A one-bite item is an amuse bouche and then I'd be making a dinner menu." I know that was totally elitist and bitchy but I couldn't resist. I knew he didn't know what he was talking about and I thought, this dude is giving me a grade? Puhleeze!

He was bright red at this point and I just felt sorry for the poor kid. So I said, "Why don't we bakery folk create a mock menu and have you approve the direction we are headed. If we're wrong, we can adjust from there." He jumped on that right away just to change direction.

I know that was so rude of me but I really can't stand when I pay money for a class only to find that the person doesn't know the material. As a substitute teacher I guess I am more particular than most and I'm going to have to hold my tongue on more than one occasion.

To make matters worse, one of my high school seniors from last year sits next to me in class. He was so shocked that I was a) in his class and b) had a first name! LOL ! I have to make sure I know what I am talking about at all times or my credibility is shot. The last thing I need is him talking to his younger friends and having those kids losing respect for me. It will make my day job much harder.

You might be reading this and thinking I'm focused a little too much on what children think of me (chef included) but every schoolgirl wants to be popular, right? Even if she is 33.  :)

More Niceness

Now that I am deeper into the book I see that this text has a lot to do with partnered women. Dr. Frankel talks about joint bank accounts, learning about investments made by your husband, child-rearing, etc. It's all fascinating information but does not directly apply to me.

Her philosophies on the female helping gene and her take on why women wait around for someone to handle their money for them are profound. I find myself saying "Yeah!" and "totally" after each line that I agree with, wholeheartedly. There's an anger there that resonates with me and my situation.

My decision to become a bakery owner and/or a teacher is conflicted. I almost don't want to be a teacher because this lady says I'm doing it for the wrong reasons. But I don't think I am. My credential would be in English so I could teach Journalism and English Lit. I've gotta find a way to put that bachelor's degree to good use! That sounds like money well spent. I don't see the point in paying for a degree that I might never use again.

The ability to write is important in everyday life and I believe that a credential in English will have far more benefits than a credential in, say, Social Science. If I'm going to play this game the way Frankel says, then I have to get the credential that will most benefit me and my ability to get rich.

Nice Girls Don't Get Rich: 75 Avoidable Mistakes Women Make with Money

Nice Girls Don't Get Rich

This chick says I like teaching because I'm a GIRL!!!

Dr. Lois P. Frankel, PhD, says that men learn to do right by themselves and that we ladies learn to take care of everybody else. I wanted to fight her in the face! I wanted to yell and scream that she is a liar! But then I realized just how right she really is.

My whole life I've been fighting the good fight - feminist, educated, mouthy, you get the idea. But then at the very same time, I was a people pleaser. It's only been within the last two years that I've learned not to be that way. It's difficult to break out of that mold but I so desperately want to break free.

She talks about how men are taught to become rich and women are taught to "do good." She was encouraged to become a teacher so she could be home with her children during summers. She didn't even HAVE kids! Grrr!

I am, unfortunately, in the same boat and super irritated that women are taught to be nice and to never be thought of as a "rich bitch." I'm sorry if my being a you-know-what offends anyone but I'm gonna be one and be proud of it! No more stress about hurting people's feelings if I don't become a teacher or if I don't specifically teach preschool the way my father wants me to do.

Becoming a teacher still sounds fun because even though I could have time off to be with children I don't have, more importantly, I would still have that time off to work on my business. If I do this, it's going to be for high school. The salary is better than what I make now and after a few years it will be enough to open that business completely out of my own money.

My boyfriend, whom I love more than anything on God's green earth, does not want me to be in any job that requires more education. I used to agree with him but in three pages of this book I yelled, "Helllll no!" at the very thought of doing what he said. A little more student loan debt will save me in the end. My school district gives back $5,000 because we are in a lower income area.

If my boyfriend gets a job with a decent salary, he's promised to marry me and be the bread winner in the family. I never asked for that promise but if it occurs then I will have the means to open my business. His philosophy goes back to what Dr. Frankel says about men being taught to be in charge. Women are always taught to be "taken care of." I've never been that woman.

I am going to plow through this book and get back to you on the results. I'm already so pissed that I'll likely stay up most of the night trying to finish it. She's going to help me get this bakery sooner rather than later.

When it rains, it pours

The thunderstorms are supposed to be in Los Angeles by tomorrow and rain for a week and a half straight. It seems that everyone is taking advantage of this 70-degree Saturday and having parties! I have two big orders today (just delivered one) and then a text at 7 a.m. asking for more cupcakes for my morning order. Yikes! I jumped up and got to work.

I am on my lunch break at the moment and paying my bills (I got paid yesterday). Before I pay them though, I think I'm going to add a new resolution to my list - pay myself first. It's a no-brainer. An easy and obvious decision to make. But that doesn't mean I've ever done it with any success. It's hard to accept saving for a rainy day when it only rains twice a year in California.

Today I will put 10% of every paycheck and cake order into my savings account and prepare for summer when I might possibly not have a job. I will sign up to sub summer school like last year but the hours are not guaranteed. Can't sign up until May, though.

There is still that option of getting a summer pastry job at one of the local theme parks. I say theme parks because they have crazy hours and I can possibly work more when they are open until 1 a.m. every day. I worked at Disneyland back in the 90s so I know what I am getting myself into.

I'll post pics of my orders tomorrow but in the meantime, I've gotta pay the man before I get back to the buttercream.  :)

Dear Old Daddio

In my very first post I mentioned that I have no career, no home, no savings, no life. Melodramatic, right? It wasn't completely exaggerated; it's just how I was feeling about my current situation. Then I got off my ass and decided to do something about it. A blog was born.

Truth is that I have a wonderful life despite the sins of my past. I'm kind of a firecracker and enjoy constantly having new adventures. My problem is that I'm always on to a new project without ever finishing the first. I have boxes under the bed filled with fabric for all the sewing I planned to do with my new Christmas gift (a sewing machine). I have looms and needles for all the knitting I planned. Somewhere there is an empty scrapbook filled with leopard pages and beer stickers. The one time that I have never quit, though, was when it came to baking. Everything I've done for the last three and a half years has to do with cakes or cookies. It's just who I am.

My father, the one whom I said just ignores my sins and loves me anyway, is starting to get involved in this culinary obsession of mine. Yesterday he gave me two great financial books to help me get ahead. Today, he emptied his entire laundry room and converted it into a pantry just for me. I wasn't expecting that! He bought industrial shelves, boxes and bins for me to organize all of my tools, pans, etc. It's amazing!

I should tell you all that my father is the only parent I have. He lost my mother in 2000 to Scleroderma - a rare skin disease. For years I stayed with him and promised myself I would move when he was better equipped to be alone. Turns out the one who needed to be better was me. Now, a decade later, I'm ready to leave the nest and here my dad is padding it all up, nice and cozy. Ha!

Over the years he has overlooked calls from creditors, my pretty piles of overdue bills, even the projects that I would start on a whim. He knew I was still lost after losing my mother and that I reverted rather than maturing from her loss. This time around, though, he is much more involved in what I am doing and from what I can tell he really believes in this dream.

He knows about the blog, my college courses, my bakery plans and even knows how I just got out of credit card debt. Finally, he seems to get it. He's retired now and appears to enjoy spending his days planning my business for me. Awesome.

The books he gave me yesterday - fantastic. I'm already halfway done with Nice Girls Don't Get Rich: 75 Avoidable Mistakes Women Make with Money. It's absolutely fascinating! I love this book! My next post will be a brief synopsis. It's already helping me after one day.

My poor dad doesn't meddle with my life and never treats me like a child. We've been equals for years and since he is super close with my boyfriend, he respects me to make the right decisions for my life since I made such a wise decision with the keeper of my heart. For him to get involved at this level is an important breakthrough in our relationship as father and daughter.

Through this blog I think I will be bragging about my dad often - get over it if you don't like it. :)
Over the next few months I am sure you will read about him a lot if he keeps up this pace. He's going to play a key part in my bakery story and I'm really looking forward to seeing how this blog and this journey changes him. It's already changed me completely.

The Neverending Shred

I attacked the boxes of old bills in my house and after two days of straight shredding, I thought I was done! I was so proud! I'd tossed out so many dusty boxes and cleaned up a lot of my personal clutter.

Tonight I finally made it to the other side of the bedroom closet and was rather shocked to find a whole new set of boxes and bags overflowing with past due bills! I felt like Becky Bloomwood in "Confessions of a Shopaholic." Too bad I didn't have her wardrobe to go with it. I was crushed all over again.

As I dragged my fresh bags of shredded chaos out to the recycle bin, my dad said he'd left some books for me on his desk. That surprised me. My father rarely makes mention of the embarrassment that is my financial life. He just lets me live in his house for free and acts like he doesn't know about it.

The books are "Pay It Down,"by Jean Chatzky and "Nice Girls Don't Get Rich"by Lois P. Frankel. He said that he knew how far I'd come and if I was going to get to the promised land, then I needed to learn how to get there. Rad.

So in between shreds I will read these titles and share my findings with you all, if any. I know both ladies are great writers and I'm anxious to begin! Let's just hope I don't get so pissed that I end up shredding the books instead.

The Main Courses

My second day of school today and I was really where I belonged. Jackpot!! Screw that Intro to teaching Credential class. It feels forced. Culinary is where I need to be.

The Food Costing course is an elaborate way of saying math class with food. There's a lot of calculations. The upside is that I have to create my own bakery menu consisting of 16 unique items. That means recipes for each, prices of said recipes and calculations for multiple yield variations. I have to say that I'm excited to take on this course. The chef seems a bit bland but I'm hoping I can ignore that.

My last class of the night is just the opposite, boring subject matter but awesome instructor. This guy is not a chef but VP of purchasing for BJ's Restaurants. It's my Food Purchasing and Control class and it sounds more like food marketing than anything else. He talked a lot about the connections made by purchasers and how the right person in that slot can save a commercial franchise millions of dollars. Intriguing. I think I am going to like this course very much so long as I chug coffee through all three hours!

I liken these courses to garden mulch. At first it looks like a bunch of chewed up junk and you can't recognize a single part through the pile of muck. Then you mix it into the dirt, give it a few days and out pops a lovely flower. My brain works that way sometimes. Let's see what kind of flowers I get.

First day of school

So this is what passes for a college these days, lol.

Today was my first day of school but this class had nothing to do with opening a bakery. It was Intro to Teaching, Single Subject Teaching Credential. I can already tell it's an easy course but I also have a sinking feeling it's going to convince me NOT to become a teacher. The class feels very condescending. I hate that.

Tomorrow is what I am looking toward. Food Costing, Food Cost and Control and Running a Small Business. The latter class is simply a replacement in case I cannot get into the Cost and Control class. They are at the same time. At some point I will take that class anyway so I'm not worried about the class I have to skip.

I have one order this week and it's medium - a 10-serving Tiffany box and four dozen cupcakes with fondant Tiffany boxes on each cupcake. The only difficult part is the blue and white swirled buttercream that I make. It gets messy when you have to refill the bags. I wonder if I can tell my Single Subject teacher that I plan on teaching cupcakes for a living, lol.

Resolutions and a Cupcake Challenge

 Sorry if I am boring anyone with my lists of needs. It's how I mentally organize. And beginning a life at 33 is more about organization than daydreams. Many of my New Year's Resolutions are in full-swing and they mostly revolve around the subject of this blog.

1. Pay off credit bills (halfway there)
2. Get business license with new name
3. Open business bank account
4. Start a Website with the new business name
5. Perfect my menu (sooooo many ideas!)
6. Compete in the annual L.A. Cupcake Challenge
7. WIN the L.A. Cupcake Challenge
8. Open my shop

(Other resolutions are to stop swearing, work out every day, avoid soda and nix fried food. But that ain't gonna F@#$%7* happen.)

I've not mentioned the cupcake challenge before but this is a big thing for me. I can kick the paper wrappers off most of those fools! Wannabes! I'm determined to win but I need an established name, Website and commercial kitchen to bake my product before they let me into the competition. I've had a name in mind since culinary school but I'm keeping it a secret for now. Not until I'm ready because I don't want anyone to steal it before I've saved up enough cake cash to buy it!

This year's challenge is Feb. 20th and I think my boyfriend and I are just going to go and do some recon. I want to get a feel for what it's like on the inside. I was headed there last year with a shop I worked at but she axed my boyfriend and I the night before (we both moonlighted there). I think she was on to us. We didn't do anything wrong but we both intentionally worked there to understand small bakery business. We asked too many technical questions, I think. Plus, we were a little too excited about the challenge and the red flags went off, I'm sure. Oh well. Haha. It's funny to think about it now. It seems ages ago.

We'll get there, I know it. It's just a matter of perseverance. And maybe a winning Lotto ticket.

Plans

Finished my cakes on time, cleaned the kitchen on time, then realized all I had left to do was daydream. The boyfriend was on a man date with one of his buddies so rather than find somewhere to go I opted to plan.

I decided to clear out all the old pictures from my computer and as I did this, I saw every cake I've made since 2005. It's around 300 or so. That's just insane. I had no idea I'd made so many cakes! Where did all the money go?!

It's really fun to see how far I've come and to know I'm finally a professional. It also kind of makes me sad, too, because I am a chef with no home. There are no part time shifts open for me and full time would put me further into debt than I am now. Pastry chefs don't make more than $12 an hour. I am praying for an open position for the summer so I can build my resume and portfolio, as well as pay off my remaining debt. I'm more determined than ever to open a business this year or next.

Speaking of business, the potentially exciting news I mentioned in my last post is that my local cake supply shop might be for sale. For most of 2009 I've been at odds with the owner because she closes randomly, doesn't replenish her stock ever and has a bad habit of telling customers her personal business. She has my number because I am listed in her directory for cake decorators so she will randomly call to ask me how-to decorating advice rather than give me the order and I've told her many times that I am polite but not stupid.

She told me that some days she only makes $10 in sales. There are many obvious reasons for this besides a bad economy. First there are the aforementioned violations. There is extreme lack of customer service, she never has a sale, she never rotates stock during the year and she even closed for two weeks starting on Christmas but didn't manage to even dust the joint!

Her rent, she tells me, is $1600 a month. She is not allowed to make cakes there because she didn't renew her license so she does them on the sly to make rent. Some of her airbrush colors have gone sour. She has the awful frilly wedding cake toppers up on a shelf but never bothers to dust them or even put them on clearance. She says she hasn't sold ONE in the four years she's owned the place. I just go in there for boxes because she's two signals from my front door.

Man, I have so many ideas for her store. I would love to go in as a partner and make the place amazing but she is not the right partner. She's got too much baggage. Plus it's in a awful location - behind a dumpster wall and next to the delivery bay of a Sizzler. Gross! You can't even see her store from the street! She has no Website, no mailing list, no classes, nothing. She hasn't changed her product to keep up with cake trends and she has never made a fondant cake in her life. The one major advantage that she has is that she speaks Spanish. I do, too, but not well. Some of these customers make my head spin just listening to them ask for cupcake picks!

I wish I had the money to buy her out. Maybe she'll hold on for summer and by then I'll have some cash saved and my credit rating will be such that I might be able to borrow a little money from the bank. We'll see.

This is a story that will continue to unfold here on the blog. I'm truly interested in her store but not sure if I can save the business without completely re-doing it. She says there is an approved floorplan for a functioning cake shop - it came with the business when she bought it. She doesn't have any money to buy the ovens nor is there enough storage to put everything away in the back. If I could only get her to move locations to the new shopping center at the end of my street then she would have more room and visibility. The problem then is that the rent is $2600 a month (I called). If the location was also a bakery, though, the revenue might come in to cover the costs while the supply part is overhauled.

Hmmm...

Happy Birthday to the King

I ditched out on some cake decorating tonight in exchange for an Elvis birthday celebration. He would have been 75 today. We are such HUGE Elvis fans that we just couldn't miss the impersonator show at our favorite Elvis shrine in Orange County. www.aztecamexicanrestaurant.org

One of my New Year's resolutions was to not say up all night for a cake so I am going to bed right now, at 2:57 a.m. Ha! I need to finish the football field cake in the morning. Hello Kitty is already done and in the delivery fridge. I will have images in tomorrow's post as well as some potentially great news.

Goodnight all

Football, cakes and a personal touchdown

I have two orders this weekend - a giant Hello Kitty face and an Arizona Cardinals football cake.

The Hello Kitty is a regular order so I can do that one with my eyes closed. The football field, on the other hand, is a first. Boy cakes, for whatever reason, are rarely ordered from me. Maybe I suck and I just don't know yet! It's going to be nice to make these cakes for enjoyment - the price of the cakes is no longer my motivation.

While the men in my life watched the BCS championship on TV, I was in the office making a few touchdowns of my own. I sat for hours shredding and shredding statements. Bank statements, credit card statements, student loan statements. Nearly all of them said PAST DUE in giant letters. I threw out three shoe boxes and one giant box that once housed my financial fumbles. I had to quit after a while because the dust was overwhelming. Some of the statements were from 2003!

Now that two of the credit cards are paid off, I read then shredded every monthly statement. I am one of those women who collects bills in a pretty little pile and never bothers to open them for fear of reality. I know this is a mistake but I was so deep in debt that I just couldn't take it. Today I was finally ready to tackle those white envelopes. And, just like Alabama, I won.

Quiet time

I enrolled in school today. Didn't feel very exciting. I have to petition the food costing class but I'm not too worried about it. I have backup courses to add if necessary. If I am going to be in school I may as well learn something valuable. Web business sounds promising.

Now that the bills are paid I've been very sleepy. I took a three hour nap when I got out of work today. Said no to a cake order today for the first time in four years. I even splurged and bought myself bright pink nail polish. Boring stuff to you all, I'm sure, unless you've been in my shoes.

Cakes are my life. I usually have orders every day of the week as well as my school gigs. I sleep maybe four hours a night. Some nights I even stay up a full 24 hours to get an order out, jump in the shower and then off to sub until 3 p.m. My boyfriend always worries that I'm killing myself for my craft but he doesn't understand my fear. He does understand my love for the job, though, so he doesn't get on me too much.

Knowing that I didn't need that cake order to put gas in my car was a tremendous relief. Now I know what it means to have stress keep you up at night. I thought it was an exaggeration. Now that I'm not afraid of bill collectors or the government stealing the little money I have, my body is peaceful. I think I'm gonna take advantage of it and hit the hay.

Goodnight, all.

To answer your question...

You're probably wondering by now why this broke bombshell doesn't go out and get a full-time job with a real paycheck. Let me fill you in...

I had a job in public relations for city government. I absolutely loved my job. It was part-time while I was in school with a verbal promise to go full time when I graduated. It never happened. Instead, I had a boss who told me I couldn't work for him and own my own cake & cookie business. Things got heated. It didn't end well. I should have known early that his quirks would stop being funny and one day be downright scary, but I didn't. Live and learn.

My brother, a teacher, suggested I take the CBEST (California test for teachers) and become a substitute for he and his friends until I found something permanent. I took his advice and am now halfway through my second school year. I enjoy it more than I care to admit. Every day is different. It allows me to be with people during the day and still have time for cakes.

Now your next question might be something about why I don't just become a teacher. I've considered that. Then I consider the student loans. I've also wondered if becoming a teacher means putting off my bakery dream permanently. So many questions. My boyfriend is on the fence here, too. He knows I love being a sub but also fears the student loan bill. One step forward, two steps back.

If I did choose to become a teacher then I need to make sure my student loans are up to date before I request more money. Lord knows I don't have the cash to pay for it out of pocket. I was gung ho about the teaching credential over the summer then quickly realized I had no way to pay for it and my defaulted loans meant I couldn't borrow any more. This semester of school will help sort that out and put me in a good position to choose my next path. Teachers in my district make decent money. It's a smart move but I'm still hesitant.

Any thoughts?

Today is a gift

Today is a gift; that's why it's called the present!

Today, after much anticipation, I received my 401k payout. It looked so beautiful sitting there in my checking account that I was almost afraid to spend it. I say spend it like I was buying a new pair of leopard shoes or something, but you know what I mean.

I quickly paid off the credit cards:

Nordstrom     $1,008.03 PAID IN FULL

MBNA           $1958.30 PAID IN FULL

Chase             $500

$500?! Yeah. I know. It goes against the whole spirit of this blog - in theory. But here's what I actually did:

I took the remaining $2,565.19 and broke it up. I paid the student loans so that I'm current ($530.40 and $593.30) and then paid the past due on the cell phone ($100). It leaves me with roughly $841.50.

I know what you're thinking - Hey moron, you whined about not having the cash to pay the bills and now you're not paying them off! True. But not true. My balance on the Chase bank card is now $1840.01. I am going to use the leftover cash to pay for school instead. Whatever is leftover goes toward that balance. And when I get paid on Friday, I can add more to it.

Right now it's about doing what's logical. I could pay off all the credit cards but then I'd be broke again and also deeper in the hole on the student loans. If the school thing doesn't work in my favor then I will just put it toward that last bill.

I felt victorious when I paid off those two credit cards! I noticed that both accounts tried to trick me into paying only the minimum balance and actually made it kind of difficult to find the button for paying in full. Tricksters! That's OK, I paid them off. I win.

In the meantime, I am looking for a summer bakery job at one of the local theme parks. I am a substitute teacher during the school year - that's how I kinda pay the bills. I say kinda because if it paid the bills completely, I would have nothing to write about.

More grand plans

My deposit did not come in today because, I assume, I made the change on a Sunday. No biggie. I can wait another day. I have to admit that I was excited to work through all of this mess but I will survive.

The more I think about what I will do with the money, a few thoughts occur to me. One is that I need to go back to school. Don't judge me just yet - I know I owe more than my life to students loans but I have a plan.

My culinary school did not teach us about food purchasing and cost control. Apparently we pastry chefs don't need to learn anything but buttercream. For $35,000 I should have learned far more! Anyway, my point is that there is a class for this at my local community college starting Monday. If I take six units this semester then my student loan payments stop as do the interest which is 6.8%. I can continue to make payments interest-free.

It is a win-win. I can save some cash on the interest in exchange for filling in the gaps in my education. A valuable gap, too. How can I run a bakery if I don't even know how to properly buy for my shop? My small list of ingredients for home is fine but I really need to know what I am doing on a larger scale.

I have been working on a cake for most of my day today and as I make each recipe I think about how rewarding it's going to be when I can create in my own shop. I imagine the buckets of colored fondant lined up neatly along the wall. I can see the gleaming steel workbenches, the Hobart mixer, still ovens, convection ovens, piles of piping bags filled with brightly colored buttercream, and truckloads of people coming in to buy our cakes - it's invigorating.

Working from home can be convenient but there are days when I've only spoken to the cat, eaten nothing but cake tops and viewed the sun exclusively from the kitchen window. It's a pathetic existence.

All this work, this stress, this determination will pay off; I know it will.

Surveying the damage

Last night I went through every bill I had just to see if my previous post was accurate. It wasn't and that's both spectacular and horrifying. I'm stressed on a whole new level now but I guess moving to a new level is at least a good start.

Total Debt: $44,854.01. 

I think I can pay the one cent, no prob.

Credit card debt:   $5,306.34

1. Nordstrom Visa - $1,008.03
2. MBNA Mastercard - $1,958.3
3. Chase Visa - $2,340.01

Student loan debt:  $ 39,547.67

1. Journalism School - $4,280.17
   
2. Culinary School - $35, 267.50

My credit card balances were far lower than I thought (spectacular) but my student loan balances are through the roof (horrifying).

According to the great financial guru, Suze Orman, I should never do what I am about to do. But I'm going to do it anyway. I have a feeling I'm right on this one.

I'm cashing out an old IRA. It's a rollover from my days as a member of a highly regarded entertainment magazine and I realize that all I have left of that job are God-awful stocks and some major credit card balances.

I honestly can't tell you what I bought with all of those cards. I wasn't fashionable back then. My idea of a killer work outfit was a new sweatshirt. Musta been one helluva an expensive sweatshirt.

The credit cards are all now closed to me because I was paying minimum balances when I lost my job last July and I guess all three companies decided I didn't need credit anymore. That was nice of them. So it doesn't make any sense to me to lose more money on junk stocks when I can be free and clear of credit card debt instead.

As soon as I post this I will hit the transfer button on those funds and they should be in my account tomorrow morning. After all the penalties and taxes I end up with $5,531.52. Not nearly enough to retire but certainly enough to live.

Dropping the Bombshell

At 33 years old, is it too late to begin a life?

You see, that's where I am right now - 33 1/2 and still waiting for life to happen to me instead of making life happen. Still hoping that this was all a mistake and that I'm really 19 again and have plenty of time to make my way in the world. Plenty of time to daydream. Plenty of time to plan.

Nope, I'm screwed. I have no career, no home, no savings, no life. I'm not blaming anyone anymore for my shortcomings but I realize that my road to a midlife crisis is about three blocks long instead of miles away. It's time to make an overdue change.

This blog is intended to be cathartic. Help me get the demons out before they devour me completely. I'm switching my downward spiral into an uphill battle and if I happen to pick up a few readers while I'm at it, fantastic.

My dream for my life is simple - own a successful bakery. Be married. Have children. Own a home. Be happy. That's pretty much the dream of every girl who once owned an Easybake Oven, right?

I have a culinary degree. I work regularly on cakes and cookies out of my home but right now it's just enough money to buy dinner and more ingredients. My dream is to own a specialty pastry shop that specializes in cake. I've wanted this for as long as I can remember. I come from a family of bakers so this dream of mine is not a whim. It's in my blood.

Here's the issue: I'm in credit card debt to the tune of nearly $6,000 and my culinary student loans reach $28,000. My annual salary is $22,000. In California. In Los Angeles County. In 2010. Ugh. So this blog is really about owning up to my debt and figuring out a way to get right-side-up again. Once that ailment is cured, I can focus on my dream.

My boyfriend of two years is dying to marry me, have babies and be happy but he's been unemployed for a year. Neither one of us can afford that home, the kids or the dream wedding. And while his support means everything, it doesn't pay the bills. I am sure his story will pop up on here from time to time but only if it directly relates to the dream.

I will do my best to post daily or at least as I continue to progress. I'm giving myself one year to make some headway and by the end of 2010, I should be very close to obtaining one or all of my goals. Stay tuned to see if I make it. :)